Good morning Darling

Good morning Darling,
Sorry to email you at the office but you’ve been home so little lately that this is the only way I could think to update you.
After three years of your nagging, I’ve starting recycling like you’re always on at me to. I mention it now because I need to apologise for that strange taste you’ll have noticed on your toothbrush. You’ll be pleased to know that last week I saved the environment by using it to polish the brass-work.
And Darling, you’ll be so proud of me… Because you’re always missing the last bus home and having to stay over at the office, I serviced your car yesterday. Now you can always be home in time for dinner! And the really good news, I recycled the bits I had left over and made a fantastic wind-chime.
While I think of it, can you jump on the internet banking and check your account balance? When I went shopping on Thursday a homeless boy asked me for money. Well I didn’t have any coins on me, and you’re always saying someone should do something about homelessness, so I gave him your card and pin number. It’s okay though - it was the account with your inheritance money in it, and he only needed two dollars.
Also, you’ve been talking for months about getting to know your nephew better, so I included the best of your magazine collection in that birthday parcel you posted to him yesterday. Oh, and I chucked in a video I found of you screwing your receptionist. Now I know what you’re going to say, but hey, it’s not every day you turn 10!
And babe, one last thing. I found some cans of spray-paint in the shed and decided to give your boat a fresh coat. The paint must have hardened in the can, so I’ve put them in the microwave to heat-up while I’m down the library using the internet.
Have a good day Darling.

PS. Your dog dug up the garden again so I’ve locked him in the house.