Soldier’s shame over donkey sex

I COULD understand this story coming up if I’d typed ‘donkey’ and ‘sex’ into my Google search engine. But all I was doing was checking a prominent internet news service.
The headline: Soldier’s shame over donkey sex.
The story: An Afghani soldier was jailed last week after he was caught doing the ‘wild thing’ with a domestic animal.
And what’s wrong with a bit of horseplay?
According to the article, the soldier’s excuse for this erotic equine interlude was that he did not have enough money to get married. But who would marry him now that he’s made such an ass of himself?
In the area of Afghanistan this soldier comes from, tradition dictates that a suitor must pay the equivalent of $A6,800 to the girl’s parents. My argument: a donkey is cheaper.
This is not an isolated incident. When I was a cadet reporter a story of this nature came across our news desk. A local man was discovered having a stable relationship with the town mare. He was rumbled mid-rumble, but decamped at a cantor and the cops never caught him.
But they did find ‘evidence’ (as they termed it), including a pair of shoes, a horsewhip, and an up-turned milk crate. But the dead give-away was finding the horse reclined in the hay smoking a cigarette.
For a while I couldn’t understand why a donkey would put up with ‘pack’ rape. Then I realised, they probably think it’s just a particularly persistent horsefly – a small, slightly annoying sting, that’s over with quite quickly.
But, on the soldier’s part – doesn’t it all involve the most incredible level of planning? I mean, can you imagine going to the markets to buy a donkey for that specific purpose? The farmer giving you knowing winks as you hand over the cash. The stares and jeers of passers-by as you walk your purchase home. Then that awkward silence when you get home. I mean, do you offer her coffee first, or get straight down to business?
Before you judge this poor young soldier, type ‘donkey’ and ‘sex’ into your Google search engine. You’d never believe how many people are doing this stuff.