I can't do this justice, but I need to record it. On Friday I went to my cousin's funeral. Gordon Stuart Brydson. 23. Father to two. Soon-to-be-father of three. Devoted fiance. The youngest of five kids.
Jesus.
I've never been to such an incredibly sad funeral. A celebration of his life, yes, but so so freakin sad.
I haven't seen that side of my family for several years so I felt like a ghost at the back of the room, removed from the mourning but not unmoved by the occasion. In fact I was devastated to see my Aunt, Uncle, cousins, in the pits of grief. Such a terrible thing.
And I was sad to have lost touch with him. We weren't similar people. But I should have made more effort to keep in touch. I've missed out on seeing a guy who was always a fun and adventurous kid become a great man.
The funny thing was, it has made me aware of time. I don't mean in that "I'm only here for a limited time" kind of way. Rather, the passing of time: The measured certainty of it, yet transient and ephemeral nature of it. We move through it unthinking and the journey ages us. Pray you're lucky enough to wear its ravages and wear them with pride. Between my school reunion and my cousin's funeral this year seemed to have contrived to mark itself out in my life as a measuring stick. A pause on my journey. A chance to reflect and regroup.
It sounds like a load of horseshit, doesn't it? But you try being the ghost in the back of the room. Some days you can hear the metronome ticking.
Private Dancer
2 months ago
2 comments:
Totally get what you're saying. Death always makes me think that the human mind just wasn't designed to understand the concept of time other than fleetingly. It's like the light spectrum always being there but we only see it in the brief amount of time that something (water, glass) splits it that we see it.
The impermenence of our lives and the notion of death being "forever" is totally lost on us, most of the time.
Too much for a Monday morning?
How did he pass away?
However, that's just terrible for his kids and fiancée.
But, with all this time to reflect, what have you gathered about your own life and perhaps have you figured out a new path?
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