Carriage under fire

I KNOW what that smell is you get on public transport. Adrenalin.
I know this because last week, on the 6pm B express from Perth, a man decided to tell the whole carriage that he had ‘666’ tattooed about his persons.
Well when someone discloses this kind of information to you uninvited, whilst you are trapped in a tin cage and hurtling along at 130kmh, you don’t have too many options.
Generally, my ‘fight or flight’ mechanism doesn’t bother to ask, it just bolts. But on a train, you’re a captive audience.
He continued: “I let the Dark Lord into my soul back in ‘87”.
And I had to admit, he looked rather convincingly like he’d been to hell and back.
Some passengers giggled with nerves. I, personally, pretended to turn up my headphones. In fact, I turned them off. I wouldn’t have missed this for quids.
Eye’s darted from passenger to passenger. Some displayed fear. Others, clearly, found it as comic as I did. While the reaction was mixed, everyone was united in terror at the thought he might get off at their station. The tension grew more palpable as, stop after stop, he remained on the train.
One young woman with hair as red as the flames of hell decided to take him on, at which point he explained: “My bible’s much better than yours”.
I didn’t realize the satanic scriptures had been written down, but apparently beelzebub’s bible is available at all good book stores.
After a while without getting a bite he moved to the next carriage, presumably to try the same trick down there.
“I was just starting to have fun,” I said aloud. It’s amazing how brave I can be after a crisis. That broke the tension for a couple of old ladies who’d been clutching their handbags so tight their knuckles were bleeding.
Once upon a time I would have been scared witless as well. But in these days of global terrorism the occasional nutter has to do better than claim he’s the devil’s disciple. Satan holds no fear for rail commuters in 2004.
In my opinion, at $2 a trip ($7 for a family pass!), the train is the best value entertainment you’ll get anywhere. On most days there is some kind of carriage cabaret: you’ve just got to pick the train that smells like fear.