Uncle duties - don't answer the call!

I WAS called upon for ‘uncle duties’ last week.
All I had to do was babysit a 12 month old for 40 minutes while my sister went out to spend the $600 the Government had given her for uncrossing her legs in the first place.
14 year olds do it for a living, how hard could it be?
When I arrived my niece was busy growing two molars. Yards of dribble were shooting out of her mouth like streamers from a departing ocean-liner - her slobber-ridden hands happily weaving them into a macramé masterpiece.
It wasn’t just cascading from her lip, it was shooting out at warp-speed behind a heart-breaking scream.
Perhaps it was the fact I had the baby monitor clutched to my ear in one hand and my phone preset to triple zero in the other, but my sister noticed I was nervous.
“It’s okay, she’ll sleep the whole time. We’ll be back soon,” Emma said, closing the door behind her.
Silence. A full thirty seconds of terrifying silence.
Followed by the most mournful screaming known to man - 10 seconds into which my sister rang me from outside to confirm that bubba would, in fact, go to sleep.
I switched on the tele to dull the noise. Every channel was running an item on Azaria Chamberlain.
I put the dog outside.
Forty minutes came and went. As did another forty. I was in a clear panic and the baby monitor was silent, so I checked her room.
Therein lay the most beautiful sight I have ever witnessed. This flaxen-haired babe, spread-eagle on her back, little chest going up and down with each breath.
And, even more beautifully, she was doing it all by herself. She’s so clever!
Then I heard a faint, ‘Hello?’ I took a second look at the infant. Then I realised it was coming from my phone.
In my panic, had accidentally called 000. Imagine the scene! Emma returns (having spent the money the Prime Minister bought her vote with) to flashing ambulance lights, a disenfranchised dog and me blubbering maniacally, “You were only going to be 40 minutes!” while being hauled away for wasting police time.
Forget ‘uncle duties’. Babysitting is for 14 year olds. My nerves won’t take it.