It's a burglary!

When you get back home and your things are gone... it's a burglary!
(Apologies to the BeeGees and whoever it was covered it late last decade or early this one).
May a pox fall upon the crack den of which ever fucked-up junkie decided last night he had more right to our belongings than we do. Thank you for not hurting the dog. I hope you enjoy my iPod... it's filled with Russian lessons which might confuse you a bit as I suspect you barely speak English on a good day. That was a present from my boyfriend you cnut. I don't mind you taking the work's phone but as to why you took the dead five-year-old Motorola off the counter I hadn't got around to recycling yet I am mystified. Not sure what you think you're going to sell that for. Very well done taking the charger for my phone, that was quite clever. You fucked up though because I bought it in Singapore so when you pulled it out the wall, you managed not to take the adapter with it. That should confuse the fuck out of your tiny little Ice-fucked brain.
But what really pisses me off is you took my brand spanking new Panam bag (purchased in Brisbane with great excitement) to carry all our stuff away with you. You fucking wanker! I bloody loved that bag!

But thank you for inexplicably not taking my laptop, DVD player, DVDs, CDs, camera, etc. We note you took our spare set of keys in case you feel like coming back for the items you've left behind. I shouldn't bother... I'm spending an entire day of my holidays at home now waiting for the locksmith to come.
Very best wishes for your impending overdose,
Bolton Gray.