This Is What It's Really Like Being A Journalist

You don’t see Make-A-Wish Foundation kids at council meetings. Think about it.
I certainly did as I spent another perfectly good Tuesday night on the back-benches behind the finest minds my allotted local government has to offer.
Between drifting in and out of unconsciousness, clock-watching, shaking my head in disbelief and doodling on the big WALGA desk calendar, I began to do some maths.
I started out in this crazy career in March of 2000 and in that time I’ve covered four councils. By my calculations I’ve done one full term as a local government councillor.
In fact, I estimate I’ve spent 254 hours in council meetings.
I’d say about 100 of those hours were spent listening to our civic fathers debate standing orders rather than the actual agenda item. I know them better than they do. Actually, I would suggest I have a better grasp on the Local Government Act 1995 than they do.
I reckon about another 50 hours were spent listening to residents whinge troublemaker’s question time. Things would be different if I was mayor.
Resident: The proposed extension overshadows my yard and they can see right into my bedroom.
Mayor Hatch: Right well we’ll refuse the loft but can the neighbours put a webcam in your room to make up for the loss of amenity?
About 50 hours were spent listening to posturing mayoral speeches about 300 civic functions and I’ve listened to at least a hundred “employee of the month” citations. All of which served to convince me these people are as boring in real life as they are on the job. Do councillors have steamy affairs behind the rates counter do you think? I suspect not. Men and women who can argue for hours about raising a fence 200mm to avoid setting a precedent do not get jiggy with it in the council photocopying cupboard.
I’ve listened to 25 hours of declarations of interest and then another 25 hours of intellectually exquisite political power-broking over whether or not the interest is an “interest in common” and the particular Brain of the City should be allowed to remain in the chamber.
CEO: Councillor Black has declared an interest in item 10.1.3, the demolition of an amenities block in Green Park, because he has been using the dunnies to carry out an extra-marital affair. He believes this is an interest in common with Cr Blue…
That leaves me with four hours. Four hours of our masterful community leaders taking decisive action for the betterment of the residents and ratepayers. Four hours of earnest deliberations that show leadership and direction not just to the community but other civic leaders. Four hours of technically brilliant and exquisitely executed debate. Four hours of the best guilt-free sleep I have ever had in my whole life.
You see, in those long hours between declaring the meeting open and closed it is just possible to dream. Dream about where the Make-A-Wish kid is right now. And dream about swapping places, knowing full well the consequences would be worth it, if not for the rides at Seaworld alone, then for the secure knowledge you need never attend a council meeting again.