And I know you're blowing three note trumps and having coronaries waiting to find out what my problem is, so I'll tell you.
I don't care any more.
It's my day job, you see. I just can't get passionate about it. I thought moving offices would inject a bit of spark into my life, and to some extent it did for a few months. But now I just don't care. I don't care about the people of Melville. I don't care about their bloody railway line and their bloody freeway sound-proofing. I don't care about their university or their foreshore or their amazingly talented children. I just don't care.
Today I did almost nothing. Anything I actually did do, I did under duress.
Melville is a huge paper and I pretty much write and hang it on my own. Even that doesn't test me any more. I leave all the work for the last two days and cram it in so I get that deadline rush. Our opposition paper almost doesn't exist, so there is no spirit of competition - which I really need. (How boring it must be to work for the West?).
All I care about is this film and this book. It consumes all the spare time I have. It's all I think about. (Well, that and the blog). I just don't want to write for the paper any more. I don't want to research for them, I don't want to break news for them. I feel like all that effort is effort I could be channeling into the book, and then the film, when the time comes. I LOVE my six hours at night tapping away at my keyboard. I hate the nearly eight hours a day i spend chained to the Melville Times phone-answering-and-typesetting-service.
I'm also now completely gagging to get to the UK and have a look around and chance my arm over there. But also those plans are as frozen as a snowman's balls while the film and the book happen.
How is it that I can have the paper, the film, the book, occasional casual days at Nova and my other little gigs the powers-that-be don't know about and STILL not feel satisfied?
I honestly wish I could quit work and spend all my time working on the book and the film.
The good news is, at least I know what direction my career now needs to head in. In fact, I've already put my head towards considering what my next project with Aunty might be. I'm also thrilled to finally realise I actually do have the dedication to sit down and write a book. I'm at 12,000 words at the moment. Which isn't a bookload, but it's a fair bit. I'm busy refining it because there are important people (in grey suits, I imagine) who are waiting to see a couple of good solid chapters.
In the meantime... everything moves too slowly for me. Everything.
Private Dancer
2 months ago
6 comments:
Not caring is SO COOL! Sometimes I wish I cared less, but I have this habit of getting excited. It's time to by a motorbike. As for the UK, You have been gagging to get there for as long as I've known you. Soon enough. Time for a new person, or maybe a juicy scandal! 12,000 is a sweet number. I'd love to read it some time (wink wink)
you've only known me for more than a decade.
do i ever achieve anything i set out to?
Lol, I seriously don't care about their stupid freeway sound proofing either. If you're idiotic enough to move next to one, tough luck.
So what do you occassionally do at Nova? I think once you should get the book done,(If not leave it for 3 weeks if you're drained of it) because once you go overseas you'll just kind of drop it like a sack of potatos.
Oh and if it's a politically incorrect comedy show in the works for Aunty, I'm so on board.
- Andrew (OzAndrew from LJ)
See! I did comment!
omg omg omg... that cute guy who is a friend of that other cute guy from canberra left a msg. omg. :P
i have a casual gig in the nova newsroom. i used to read weekend news only they discovered in shit at that, so now they only let me write it, not read it.
the book and the show are linked. neither is politically incorrect i'm afraid. it's factual stuff... lots of psychology and homos.
that said, it's me that's writing it. so i'll probably completely vilify/objectify a few people and end up with a rushie-style fatwah on my scrawny gay neck.
Lol you're not bad yourself mate ;)
But how could you be crap at reading news?
Oh and it's a shame the book isn't politically incorrect, it's the best type of incorrect there is!
Still, I'd be happy to read it and you'll definately have loads of the screaming girlymen attacking you with their little yappy dogs and stuff probably... :(
-Andrew
Hmmm... what is it exactly that you bolt on Mr Gray?
I know that young ladies who are VERY friendly with other young ladies sometimes have some sort of attachment but I really am mystified in your case. Pray, do tell all.
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