So it finally arrived.
I was checking my email innocently enough yesterday and there it was: An email from someone I went to school with, who I haven't given a second's thought to for a decade.
The key word in that sentence is decade.
It was a general notice to all old classmates that our high school 10 year reunion is being held this year.
Call me a grinch but I'd rather drink a cup of cold sick from a birdflu victim than attend this particular event.
A high school reunion has only two purposes.
1) For those who are successful to gloat about how much more successful they are than anyone else.
2) For those who were popular at school to revisit looking down their noses at the people they used to pick-on 10 years before, and make them feel little once again, just as their confidence had finally bounced back.
This is my idea of hell. I totally understand Romy and Michelle making-up the news that they invented Post-Its.
The drama for me is, I want to fit into Group 1 of the above, and I don't think I quite do yet. So I am going to campaign for the reunion to take place AFTER my documentary has gone to air... so that way I shall look successful. I haven't QUITE got to where I want yet. I'm not ready to see these people. I'm on the precipice of something, but I haven't quite reached my goal.
So I'm rolling on the floor in a ball with my fingers-crossed begging for a few more months. Just a few more months. Maybe as many as six. Or indeed, 12.
The biggest problem of all is that I know a lot of the people I went to school with are out there breeding. And for them, having babies is tantamount to "success". This being the case, as a homo, I could never achieve their fucked-up version of success in the first place.
The fact that I don't see "family" as success, but rather "career and experience" as success, does not come into it for them. So I can't win. And they will STILL think they're better than me, just as they always did.
Of course, the fact that their vaginas are no longer tight brings some satisfaction.
The Montegiallo School of Swearing
1 week ago
6 comments:
Just open the conversation with "So, tell me, it must be loose as a wizard's sleeve down there by now, am I right?" and it'll go swimmingly from there...
I had a similar experience six months ago. I want my reunion NOW goddammit. However, I saw the pics and realised I pretty much didn't recognise most of the people there. It's hard to be gracious and gloat at the same time when you don't know people's names.
Fuck "their version of success" - go along with your own version. You do realise they'll all swoon the minute you walk through the door
At least you got invited to a 10 year reunion....
Tell me - if you don't go, who is going to show any genuine interest in the people who's greatest success is to have gotten there in one piece?
At least you can totally go, "I was on a reality tv show and I won! I made it right through the finale and entire show without ONE vote against me!"
Since these sloppy shunts are the type of people who prefer secks to learning, they'll have never of watched the ABC.
So totally go along then going "Since I did so well on the other show, I'm now producing my new one and I'm the host and I'm getting paid to travel australia"
TOtally lie!
And then go, "So... got knocked up? How'd that go for you?"
THen like make out with Thom with a H on stage.
- Andrew
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