Oh fuck...

So THIS is on the ABC TV website today:

PROGRAMME SUMMARY
Outback House
11:00am Thursday, 31 May 2007
Follows a group of intrepid Australians who travel back in time to spend three months testing themselves and taking on the challenge of running a sheep station, just as their pioneering forebears would have done in 1861.

Oh fuck. And so it begins again.


I have to say my attitude to this particular part of my history has changed over time. The experience was fundamentally ruined for me because I was not allowed to enjoy the fact that I had completed it and achieved something, because it had caused someone else so much grief.

It wasn't until more recently that I realised that it actually was an amazing thing to do and full credit to me, I did something not many people have done and it was special. I made some amazing friends and, no, I don't regret it.

Yes there is still a little embarrassment because I'm seen crying in the first episode. There was a lot of conjecture about this at the time but the actual show that went to air didn't in anyway explain my tears. Truth be known, at 3 o'clock that morning, just before we were dumped in Outback House, I had been on the phone to someone who was even then still begging me not to do it. So I was set-up to be an emotional-wreck going in. It had nothing to do with sheep. Though I will say, overwhelmingly, people say they liked me on the show and I'm more remembered for the testicles gag then the crying.

When I returned home and when the show was going to air, this other person had caused such a fuss for the producers that the whole experience and post-publicity was made very uncomfortable for me. I wasn't allowed to enjoy it at all because it had made him so miserable. I realise now it was about his ego and had nothing to do with me. That's helped me move on from my chagrin when Outback House is mentioned in conversation. I refuse to be embarrassed about it now. Why should I be? I toughed it out like a pioneer and made some brilliant friends who I love dearly.

This year I will return to Oxley Downs for the first time since the show went to air. That will be me 'facing my demons' I suppose and putting the matter to rest. And I cannot wait to get back to the old homestead, to see the Tourles, and to breath-in that fresh Dubbo air. With any luck there will be the hint of woodsmoke on the breeze. That smell IS Outback House for me.

I've never really vented about this before. Sorry for the indulgence of this post. I'm feeling a bit wistful.