Trust your gut

I did something I really didn't want to do today. Something my heart really wasn't in, but which I did because I thought it was probably the right/big thing to do.
I saw my ex-boyfriend Adam.
He's in town from Sydney for a short space of time to visit his family. The other day he very kindly returned my childhood photo album to me because he discovered it amongst some of his things. That was a kind thing for him to do and I thanked him. He asked me for coffee and although I didn't want to, I thought it impolite to refuse, given the nature of his gesture.
Mistakenly, I thought the coffee might also be a gesture of good will and putting the past behind us.
It was a fairly tense three quarters of an hour and, tired of struggling for conversation, I announced I had to leave. He bid me stay because he had some things he wanted to say to me.
And he berrated me for how I treated him in the lead-up to his leaving Perth for Sydney: Told me how much
I had hurt him.
I don't know if I looked as unphased and unsympathetic as I was. I just totally couldn't give a shit. I thought it impolitic to say so. I mean he had called me on a few occasions in hysterical desperate wails, wanting me to put him first. Something I didn't want to do. Something I had done for three years but by the time Christmas came last year it had been 12 months since I'd had to put him first. I didn't want to yield to his will and be even slightly controlled by him again. He said horrible things at the time and I'm afraid I didn't care and was nasty back.
But my behaviour hurt him. And he was now taking the opportunity to tell me so.
Well I don't really need enemies, so I apologised... albeit reluctantly and half-heartedly. But he went on and on and all I could think was, "wow, you really don't get just how much you and your shit isn't a part of my life any more... grow up, get over it, and go away".
It reminded me in no-uncertain terms why we are not together, should never have been together, and how damaging that three years with him was to me and my self-esteem.
My life is so different now. So much better.
I think I was supposed to be jealous of how his life is but I didn't even feel the slightest twinge of that. Which he probably picked-up on and which probably lead to him having a go at me about ancient history. The old ways of getting a rise out of me didn't work, so he tried harder.
Well, off you go you sad little man. Go live your live and leave me to mine. I don't need to be enemies with you, but I don't want to be friends with you either. Don't even want to be nodding acquaintances, frankly.