Omigod this is hilarious!

I googled my byline this evening (I refuse to consider it googling my own name. If I call it googling my byline then it somehow seems legitimate and not at all egotistical).
And I was somewhat surprised to find an article I did when I was at the Guardian made it into an ECU student's essay.
The journalist among you will love this.

La Veillée des Abysses was billed as a “mesmerising fusion of nouveau cirque, dance and theatre” (The UWA Perth International Arts Festival, 2006a). In another example of the way that the Abyss has been framed for a public audience can be found in Dan Hatch’s locally written article advertisement for the performance. Hatch (2006, p. 26) describes La Veillée des Abysses as “the ultimate performing arts experience”.

Stop. I think we all know that came off a press release. Either that or I was using it in reference to the show combining several major arts disciplines. So I was surprised to find the analysis thus...

However, it seems that this is more likely an attempt to pitch the performance to a ticket buying public, rather than a confirmation that the performance is unsurpassed. Nevertheless, this claim contributes to an interpretation of the abyss by
drawing a line between the abyss and the idea of ultimate art and so this positioning of La Veillée des Abysses begs the question as to what the abyss has to do with the realisation of ultimate art, as to how it might be seen or not be
seen to live up to this kind of presumption.

What?

Hatch (2006, p. 26) paraphrases Thiérrée’s assertion that “the performance was not tied by a narrative thread, but was simply an experience”. It is also worth considering, in this case, whether either a reference to the abyss or even to the presumed absence of narrative thread legitimizes his framing of La Veillée des Abysses. Is it precisely an absence of narrative thread, this lack and void, which somehow catapults it to the height of creative expression and thereby maintaining a misunderstanding that creative practice is a metonym for aimless and perceivably inconsequential self-expression? Is Hatch (2006, p. 26), by entitling his brief discussion of La Veillée des Abysses, as “Say What? – Ultimate art experience, but no narrative thread or message”, suggesting that the best art is art that the viewer doesn’t have to think about? Is ultimate art ignorant?

No. You are ignorant you fuckwit. I interviewed a guy for five minutes and whacked the stuff he said together with some garbled crap from a press release. I'm not fucking Jack Kerouac I probably wrote 40 stories that week and that was one of them. A rather inconsequential we-need-to-fill-the-arts-pages-oh-look-the-festival-is-on piece. And, by the way, not one i titled myself, but rather one, like every single other story in the paper, that was given a headline by our sub-editors. (And up to their usual level of inventiveness, I might add.

I found this matter of narrative interesting especially in light of the ideas regarding the abyss and narrative that I raised in previous discussions, specifically those relating to the use of the Abyss for the interpretation of natural environments. There, I argued that representations of the abyss offer narratives that may in turn inform the individual’s negotiation of
indeterminacy and of the unfamiliar. I wondered what might possibly be informed by a production that claims to possess no narrative thread, whether this is a strategy designed to disorient the viewer and, in turn, encourage the individual’s independent negotiation of indeterminacy. Then, La Veillée des Abysses may be approached with the suggestion that it is a lesson on the potential for life-narrative.

Can I suggest the only abyss is you, you mirthless, joyless, talentless schmuck? I can't believe you think your lecturer is buying this shit. You're quoting a community newspaper for fucksake.

In order to tackle this issue I refer to Thiérrée’s explanation: “I never go into a narrative because it reduces my range and I feel limited ... It is also my talent, I prefer to think of it as a journey. Before you tell a story you have to figure out what you want to say and I’m never sure what I want to say” (cited in Hatch, 2006, p. 26). Taking this information on board it can seem that Thiérrée’s art does not come from a place of thoughtlessness but, more accurately, from his negotiation of the sensation of indeterminacy. The role of the abyss in La Veillée des Abysses can begin to be thought of as an appropriate cultural reference point for the articulation of sensations of indeterminacy. However much Thiérrée claims that La Veillée des Abysses does not possess an identifiable narrative thread I would continue to argue that it does.

Yes, let me stop you there. You make two fundamental mistakes. Firstly, it is not my job to engage in an argument with this dude, just to interpret his Manglish and print what he said. Secondly, you so totally confuse me with someone who gives a shit.

It goes on and on, but I will spare you any more. Suffice to say, I am only concerned that this standard of work is being produced by our university students. I mean this came from a 120 page document. Sadly, not author is quoted. Otherwise I'd put their name here, so that when they google their name, they can read my diatribe about their gobshite essay.